Because

This movie is probably racist, sexist, and homophobic. And I'm gonna talk about it, even though it's not remotely current.

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Thursday, June 28, 2012

Prometheus (2012) and my Master's Degree in the Alien Franchise

Friends, I hate movie theaters. I hate them with a passion. Every now and then some well-meaning friend will drag me to a movie assuming that I will take a part in the immersive, almost out-of-body experience that most moviegoers seem to enjoy, where I am then treated to approximately ninety minutes of sheer anxiety surrounded by a loud black void. It doesn't matter if the movie is funny, emotionally astute, or violent, or not violent. I. Hate. Movie Theaters.

I hate 3D anything, I hate not getting to pause things when I have to pee (which was how I missed the sex scene in Titanic, which is why I watched that hideous thing twice), I hate the feeling of sitting in front of strangers or having strangers sit in front of me. I hate that I can't be multitasking and my mind is trapped like a small sad frog in the enormous black kettle of my neuroses: the list goes on.

That said, I had a wonderful matinee with my mother the other afternoon. It was my idea, because she is a theater lover, and there were not one but two movies I wanted to see. First I suggested the Avengers, thinking we would share the warmth of a good ol' fashioned Joss Whedon ensemble. Turns out, I kinda missed the bus on that one; it's only at the older theater where there is no parking. So we saw the other movie that I was profoundly excited to see: Alien prequel Prometheus (2012).

A few short takes:

1. As an avid follower of the process of the Alien franchise (but none of that Predator crossover bullshit), I had to ask myself if the actors suffered enough during production.The first Alien was made in a time where regulations regarding health hazards, as well as cruelty to animals and children in the film industry were more... subjective than they are now. At their best, the Alien films inspire a sense of abject claustrophobia, and, while Sigorney never bit the hand that fed her or complained about the slime (so many buckets of slime), the supporting cast, from Veronica Cartwright to Wynona Ryder, have all indicated that this effect is achieved by making the actors suffer; the suspense is achieved with the blood and sweat of the cast. One gets the impression that given the chance to play with bigger, better CGI toys to revisit the mythology of his earlier work, Ridley Scott may have neglected to boil enough child stunt doubles and/or torture enough female actors to make the film truly a part of the series. Was there enough human suffering to be consistent with the previous four films? This remains To Be Determined.

2. Clever casting in Charlize Theron as a Corporo-Fascist mogul, and also, more importantly, the eminently likable Noomi Rapace (aka the Swedish original Girl Who Blah Blah Blahed), who plays a scientist with just enough religion to appeal to people who are afraid of science. There were also some men if the movie, if I recall.

3. The origins! Of the giant, uterine spaceship that impregnates the John Hurt of 1979's original Alien Geiger dropcloth! Fun!

4. It is interesting to note that I watched this film instead of a film written by someone who deserves at least a little credit for crashing the Alien franchise into the ground in 1997: Joss Whedon. Like Val Kilmer Batman and Terminator 3: Judgement Day, Alien Resurrection is the hillbilly cousin of the franchise. If you, dear reader, need to pretend that any or all of these movies were never made, I will understand. (I like to pretend Batman Forever was just what happened when Val Kilmer's character from the Salton Sea gets slipped some bad ecstasy.)

5. So... Of the possible awful scenarios I never wanted to watch Noomi Rapace experience, I can now chalk another off the list: The Horrific Sci-Fi Pregnancy. I will leave Anita Sarkeesian at Feminist Frequency to fill you in on the details of the trend, but perhaps you already feel me when I say ladies, if you ever realize that your life is a sci-fi movie, DO NOT GET FUCKING PREGNANT. It is not going to be fun.


http://www.feministfrequency.com/2011/07/tropes-vs-women-5-the-mystical-pregnancy/

Remember: Practice safe sex, IN SPACE.

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